Fear gripped my heart. Thoughts of failure overwhelmed my mind and everything appeared dark and gloomy. These were some difficult times but if one were to look at me they would not have seen the great mental torment that I wrestled with and the overwhelming pain and sleeplessness that comes with fear. These were what I call the "Dark Nights of the Soul". It is a time when you feel abandoned by God. As if God has not heard anything you are saying and you wonder if you are still connected to the source of power you have proclaimed to be your all in all.
The "Dark Nights of the Soul" causes one to feel all alone, misunderstood and totally useless. As I stayed in this position for many months, I never stopped praying, although my prayers changed in it's intensity and resolve. I never stopped talking to God and asking questions. Then one day God placed it into my heart to change my environment and focus my thoughts on something afresh. It was shortly after that time that I met two wonderful persons who were artist and teachers. They offered me a free trip to Go to New Orleans and I stayed at a wonderful hotel which was way beyond my ability to pay. I was the only Community Development person in a group of seasoned teachers and they were looking for ways in which art would impact education. After a night of hanging out on Bourbon Street and listening to some great jazz music, we walked back to the hotel. I remember telling one of the teachers who worked for the Little Rock School system as a evaluator and had her own art studio about being stuck in a rut with respect to my career. I longed for the freedom to express myself in my work as the artist does. You see the artist has the gift of taking inspiration which is unseen and translates it into something visual, compelling and beautiful.
I am inspired to do so much to uplift and change the appearance of my community, yet I haven't learned how to let this transformative power flow through me to bring about tangible results. We discussed this for a time and she looked at me and said, "Andre, you are an artist and your canvas is the community". At first I chuckled and shrugged off her comments, but I had to respect the fact that this was a highly educated woman who had made a name for herself in the teaching profession and was able to maintain an art studio in her personal time. It occurred to me that she was very serious. She went on to explain to me that an artist in the broad sense was a person who could take something abstract, something invisible and move people to an emotional level to feel and from feeling into action.
This thought was pressed upon me even the more as I walked through New Orleans, a very artsy community, and looked at the impact that art in all its forms had on the culture, learning and commercial aspects of the city. The few days I had spent with my new found teaching friends had changed the way I looked at life and it helped to dissolve the fears I was facing as it related to my career in community development. Fears borne out of lack of resources, lack of ideas and the seemingly lack of concern from the people whom I was attempting to help.
When I returned home the idea of Art exploded inside of me and colors mattered, shapes and forms meant something to me. Architecture, especially modern architecture moved me greatly. I would travel to college campus looking for art in all of its forms. Jazz music became the norm in my listening experiences. And then I took the brush in my hand and produced my first work of art which stands to this day.
A simple hallway which was dull and drab became my canvas. I first painted this wood with an off white covering and then I got a bunch of different paints that were donated by a local paint supplier and just splattered the paint on the wall with no special intent for form. I did all of the walls and even the ceiling and after drying i returned to review what I had done. I was impressed with what I saw. It didn't appear at all that a mad man had gone wild. It shown as man who had things on the inside that needed to be released on the outside in a form that could be seen and appreciated.
Diverse colors shown, some in spots, some in streaks, some in blobs, but they all had meaning of some sort. Not that I could discern that meaning at the moment of the creation, but later, as I would return, I would be able to see that spots meant ideas that were short but had impact. blobs were ideas that would start out small but spread into something larger and larger over time. It would affect a larger space, streaks where narrow and focused ideas that ran for a period of time.
of time.
Looking back 10 years ago when this hall of art was created I look back now and can define it with more clarity, definition and understanding. Many times over these years when I was faced with daunting challenges, I would just take a chair and sit in the hall. Not thinking per se but just letting the walls speak to me. Letting the inspiration permeate my mind and my heart and trust that the answers would come. Now, I see why I am an artist and the community is my canvas.
I have painted so many pictures and images by constructing new homes and destroying blight and building up new homes for families who extend my art by planting nice beautiful flowers and gardens. My art extends to others the opportunity to create their art and the community is changed as a result. And, isn't that the inspiration that lifts the human condition, relieves the pains and builds up hope?
Peace!
This is greatly wonderfully Sir.
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